Ten Ways to Know You’ll Never Be Relief Society President

It’s March, the month of the Relief Society birthday! We’re examining the history of several Relief Society presidents. You don’t have to be called to the position to know that this is a time and energy-intensive calling, even on a branch or ward level. Hats off to all of our sisters who serve so diligently and with so much love!

Still, there are some callings that you just know you won’t be suitable. Here are ten ways that you can know the Bishop will never call you as the Relief Society President.

1. You take a cup of coffee with you to church each Sunday morning.

2. You called one sister as “that nosy old biddy” from the pulpit during the last fast and testimony meeting.

3. Your idea of an appropriate enrichment activity is a group trip of the sisters to the local tattoo parlor to get the Relief Society seal tattooed on everyone’s ankle.

4. The last time you taught a lesson, you told everyone that Christ would return riding the tail of the next comet.

5. You refer to children as “mangy little brats you have to put up with until they grow up and turn human.”

6. You insist you can’t visit teach a sister because you don’t like the color of her household décor.

7. When the sacrament is passed, you take two or three cups of water because you’re really thirsty.

8. Last time you met with the Bishop for tithing settlement, you told him you were trying to help Heavenly Father not seek after earthly riches by not paying your tithing.

9. Whenever you offer the opening or closing prayer at church, you make sure to thank the Lord for your latest alien abduction.

10. You’re still not sure why the sisters you visit teach won’t bring you dinner every night, since you’re always so tired.

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