Are you ready to quit your marriage? Not all marriages die in rancor and fury. In fact, many marriages die from apathy, disinterest or just sheer lack of connection and empathy. Knowing where you are in your relationship has become a multi-billion dollar industry with everyone from Dr. Phil to Oprah Winfrey to the National Enquirer offering their opinions (educated or not) on how to know when your marriage is over.
An Ounce of Divorce Prevention
Marriage should never be about divorce. Many times, when a couple decides on divorce, there are unique and extenuating circumstances. These circumstances are not always infidelity or mistrust – they can simply be a lack of connection anymore. You and your spouse may be living your lives in parallel with very little intersection – when that happens, couples often believe that their love has ‘died’ or perhaps it didn’t exist in the first place.
Couples in that position may hesitate to file for divorce because that would be the final resolution to their marriage and they may not be ready for that. After all, a divorce is never pleasant – even when there is no rancor involved because your marriage is something worth grieving.
The 50 Reasons Why
But if you find yourself in the position, pause for a moment. Try to think about all the reasons why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Think of the 50 reasons why you loved them. The 50 reasons you married them (yes those things may be different) and the 50 reasons why you want to stay married to them.
Why 50?
Because a list of 50 takes a lot of effort and a lot of thought and a lot of inner reflection – and it makes you take a really hard look at yourself as well as your spouse. If you are feeling disconnected, then you have to re-engage yourself. Ask them out, romance them, reach out to them and make that connection again.
I’ve known couples where one partner thought everything was fine and they were content, while their spouse was not. It wasn’t until their spouse started reaching out to them, communicating their desire and their affection and their needs that the problem was recognized.
I can say that in four of the five marriages that I know of where this happened – those four marriages survived. The fifth didn’t, sadly enough, but the former spouses are still the best of friends and while neither has sought another romantic relationship – they talk every day and recently moved into apartments right next to each other so they can ‘be there’ when the other needs them.
So can you think of the 50 reasons why you married your spouse and the 50 reasons you want to stay married to them?
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