The age of your child at the time of your divorce has a profound impact on the way they respond to the changes in their life. Don’t expect them to understand everything that is going on, but be aware, they may know more than you think. Here is a guide to gauge how much your child comprehends the split during the early years and how to ease that transition on them.
From birth to 18 months children can feel the tension in the home, but don’t understand the reasoning behind it. They may begin to show some signs of separation anxiety and cling to either parent during this time. Children in this early stage of life are comforted by familiarity. Stick to your normal daily routines as best you can during this time to help keep things consistent for them.
When parents split up during the toddler years it is common for the child to act out. Their main bond up to that point has been their parents and any disruption in that can cause some anxiety. They too may be fearing separation from either parent. They may require more attention than usual during this time. They may have trouble sleeping alone and may resist things such as potty training. Some even regress to old habits like thumb sucking. One thing that can help make things a little easier on them is to have a comfort item that they can bring back and forth to each home. Again keep your routines consistent and try to keep them consistent between both houses, if at all possible. Spend as much quality time with your child as possible and assure them that you are not going to leave them.
As preschoolers, children are much more in tune to what is going on than you may think. They may feel the tension at home but don’t want their parents to separate. They may feel as if they have no control over the things in their life and are likely to act out. They may feel that they are responsible for their parents splitting up. It is also common for them to have nightmares as a result of the sudden changes in their life. Assure them that the divorce is not their fault. Give them an outlet for their feelings. If they don’t want to talk to either of you about it see if they would like to talk to a close family member or friend. Some children may respond better to reading books about the subject. There are many children’s books on the topic of divorce and they can help your child learn to cope with their emotions regarding your divorce.