One of the earliest memories I have is of a mobile hanging over the top of my bed. My mother claims there could be no way I remember it–but, I honestly believe that I do. Mine had little zoo animals, an elephant, lion, monkey, bear, zebra and giraffe. It played music and turned slowly. I especially remember the shadow it cast on my walls and ceiling as it turned around and around.
Families work a lot like mobiles. In 1972 Virginia Satir pointed out that each family is “strung together” like a mobile. Each member of the family has his or her balanced spot, and a relationship to every other family member, as well as to the whole mobile.
We are each affected by the behaviors of one another. When there is a time of change in our family like a child getting married, or a grandparent coming to live in our home or a new child joining the family the mobile is knocked off balance and swings violently.
The mobile will not rest and sway smoothly again until every family member has found his or her new and right place to hang and settle down. Until the mobile finds this new balance each member of the family feels strained with the others. Things may be constantly shifting with pulls and collisions occurring for several turns of the mobile.
When an older child is placed for adoption the family undergoes a transformation and is redefined. There are extra strains on the adoptive parents and especially the mother who may feel her job is to settle everyone down. Often, parents become very frustrated and frightened with the disorganization, the colliding of one family members needs with another.
Sometimes it is upsetting when one family member seems to have big problems finding their spot to hang without constantly bumping into another. It can be even more overwhelming when the family member is locked into their position because of fear that the whole mobile will never work correctly again. If it becomes too much for that member to shift things around and deal with the change it is in fact possible the mobile will never balance and turn smoothly again.
The key to helping the mobile find a smooth place and remain balanced is to make sure there is a secure and true individual place for each person to feel comfortable. The more effort adoptive parents can take to maintain their positions of balance with each other and with the other members of the family the more likely it is the whole mobile will find a place of balance.
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.