We’re all familiar with the three R’s — reading, ‘riting and ‘arithmetic– but have you heard about the four R’s? If you are a parent looking for an effective discipline technique (and let’s face it, aren’t we all?) then you might want to consider the 4-R Strategy developed by parenting guru Dr. Michele Borba, author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.
Purpose-driven discipline is what she calls it and as she explains, parents have to set limits and consequences for behavior that in turn drives the lesson home. The 4 R’s are: Respond, Review, Reflect and Right the Wrong.
Here’s how it works. Suppose your son is playing with a neighbor or sibling. Everything is going fine until he decides he does not want the other child playing with a toy so he grabs the toy from the child which in turn causes the other child to burst into tears. Following the 4-R strategy you would first, respond to the situation. In a calm voice, ask your child to think about his actions asking a question such as, “Why did you take the truck from Jimmy?
Next, you want to review with your child why the behavior is wrong. For example, talk about why sharing your toys is a good thing.
Then reflect on the behavior’s effect, in this case how it makes the other child feel. You can also ask your child how he would feel if someone took a toy from him while he was playing with it.
And finally, move on to right the wrong. Ask your child how he can remedy the situation. In this case, he could return the toy, apologize and/or give the child a hug.
Dr. Borba also recommends that parents shower their baby with love and attention but also cautions that we should demand respect from the start as they enter toddlerhood. Kids aren’t born with a conscience and therefore really are not able to know the difference between right and wrong, Dr. Borba points out. It is our jobs as parents to help them to build one by constantly “articulating right from wrong and to model appropriate behavior”.