If you are thinking about conceiving a sibling child, chances are you’ve wondered what the best time to do it is. It’s not a bad idea to take into consideration the age gap between siblings, for reasons such as rivalry and how the kids will relate to each other. I asked a group of wise mothers, all of whom have different ranges of years between siblings, what they thought were the best reasons for having a LARGE sibling gap. Here’s a breakdown of what they told me:
TEN: Helpy Helperton Otherwise known as “Can you play with Junior for a second?” My kids are five years apart, and the older is the designated diaper-change time entertainment extraordinaire. All that energy makes for an instant show on demand.
NINE: Easy-Street At about the age of five, children develop a distinct self-sufficiency about them that makes it super easy to balance the needs of more than one child. Most can get themselves a snack, entertain themselves in their room, or have a friend over while you’re busy with baby.
EIGHT: Sitter Pro-Bono If you’ve got so many years between kids that your oldest child is old enough to actually baby sit for you, you’ve struck black gold. Bargain with your teen: “Watch the baby one night, get the car the next!”
SEVEN: Go Fetch When you are in the middle of nursing, have the older sibling answer phone calls, get you a drink of water or reach the pacifier that flew out of baby’s screaming mouth and under the sofa.
SIX: Friendly Rivalry Being too close in age can mean fighting over clothes and even boys. Some close-age siblings can be so different from each other that one may end up popular in school while the other is not, causing hurt feelings. Large-gap siblings will have a special bond as they are unique individuals who never have to compete.
FIVE: Pregnancy Ease Being a pregnant with a toddler or infant can be incredibly difficult. But with an older sibling, you can take a nap while they play quietly by themselves, or let them go for a pajama party at a friend’s house so that you get to sleep in. Also, you’ve given your body time to recover from the first pregnancy.
FOUR: Understanding By the age of three or four, children are able to grasp the concepts of “gentleness” and “kindness” as applied to their new sibling. Between three and four years apart, siblings will be close enough to play together without feeling competitive.
THREE: Seeing Green Jealousy is an ugly thing when it comes to siblings. It is much easier to antidote when children don’t feel that they are competing for the same kind of attention from their parents. Perhaps the baby needs to be nursed and you can’t play house with your first born, but at least you aren’t taking a physical thing from one and giving it to the other. The most you are dividing here is your time. Each child will be able to finish being the baby before the next comes along.
TWO: One-on-One Time What I love about having children five years apart is that I can designate time to share with each of them alone. This can be done with any siblings, I’m sure. But the time spent with large-gap siblings will be infinitely unique. Different activity to do. Different dialogue between us. Even different location at times, suited to the age of the child. The world is our oyster and every time it’s opened there is a different pearl inside.
And the NUMBER ONE reason to have a large sibling age gap is:
Role Idol My second-born is only two months old, but I can already see that gleam in her eye when she looks at her big sister. It’s the way of someone looking at their idol. She already thinks that her older sister is the Cat’s Pajamas of siblings. There will come a day, I am sure, with arguing, and ignoring, and even jealousy between them. But there is a dynamic in bloom that will be at the core of it all. Older is role model to younger. Younger will keep older in check.
What is a “large sibling age gap” to you? Five years? Six years? More?
If you and your sibling(s) were several years apart, how do you feel it affected your relationship?
Make sure to also check out The Let’s Talk Blog Top Ten – Reasons to Have a Small Sibling Age Gap!
The Let’s Talk Blog Top Ten – Reasons to Have Children Early in Life
The Let’s Talk Blog Top Ten – Reasons to Have Children Later in Life