What do you think of when you read the title of this article? Do you think about how expensive it is to keep up with the latest and greatest new gaming system your child just must have? Or how to save money buying your child’s next computer? Think again.
I’ve written a few articles about the benefits of having a technologically driven home such as why you should buy your child a cell phone and a fun look at tech toys for tots. I’ve also written articles about how children should be monitored online and how parents should watch out for MySpace.com and other teen traps. Technology definitely delivers both the good and the bad.
Lately, most of the media-driven “bad stuff” we hear and that I write about is often followed closely behind with technology-driven tools that parents can employ to keep the tech-demons at bay. Parents now have the ability to monitor their children’s email accounts, chat and instant message logs and web surfing. We have the tools to know what our kids are doing, where they are and who they are spending time with while they are online. Technology has delivered monitoring tools to our schools, as well. At schools and libraries, internet filters and blockers are used to keep web surfing safe and child-friendly. When it comes to taking tests and completing their school work, many schools are turning to technology to keep parents involved and in the loop. Most schools now utilize email to distribute newsletters and also individual communications to parents as a more efficient means of keeping communication open. Beyond that, some schools have implemented online homework and test reporting systems. My son’s middle school logs every homework assignment, school project and test into an online system that allows parents to log in and see what is due, when it is due and how the child has done afterward. No more waiting until parent-teacher conferences to find out your child has slacked off or needs help in math. No more relying on your children to tell you if they have homework or not. We now have the technology to track our kids’ school progress, nip any problems in the butt or avoid them entirely.
At face value, these tools can seem like perfect solutions to age old parenting challenges. How do we keep track of our kids when they are off on their own? Also there is a huge societal push toward using these tools. Our schools, our government, our stores have created tools to help parents “be good parents”. If we don’t use these tools, we may feel as if we are letting our children down, not doing our jobs or dropping the ball. But there are some potential problems with using all of these tools to monitor our children. I think we are all about to discover the downfall as this new tech-driven generation of kids grow into adults.
Most notably, many of these kids will never have the opportunity to screw up. When every aspect of a child’s life is overseen, micromanaged and followed, kids lose the ability to make mistakes. And making mistakes is one of the best ways for kids to learn while they are young. Without the opportunity to screw up, kids will grow into adults who aren’t prepared for the real world. The first time they mess up on their own may come as a huge shock that they simply aren’t prepared for.
These kids may lack accountability and responsibility outside their mirco-managed world. They will rely heavily on others to tell them what to do and when to do it. They will rely heavily on others for motivation. If they aren’t being watched, will they still get their work in on time? Will they still make it to their college classes? Will they know when to say ‘no’? Will they still do their best work? Will they be ready to climb the corporate ladder on their own without someone spelling out to them exactly how to ascend each step of the way? If an A on a test or report card isn’t motivation enough now to do well, will a promotion or a raise be motivation enough as adults? I can promise that their future bosses will have little time to hold their hands and give them feedback every step of the way and their college professors will care even less.
Without the opportunity to screw up, kids will grow into adults who blame others for everything. Self-accountability will not exist. If one of these adults is late for work, it will be someone else’s fault for not waking them up on time, for not filling the gas tank, for not doing the laundry or pressing the clothes or doing the grocery shopping or making the breakfast. If a report isn’t turned in on time it will be because the other co-workers didn’t do their parts. In essence, these will be needy, overly dependant adults who blame everything on others because they were never taught that, ultimately, their own choices are far more important and far-reaching than any choice made for them.
In our desire to keep our kids safe, to keep them on track, to make sure we are doing our job, it can be easy to lose sight of the concept of self-discovery. Techno-tools can be used in a balanced way to help inform parents, to help parents learn to trust their children, to help parents keep their children out of danger. But when they are used to micromanage a child’s life, to stay one step ahead and so fully involved that the child no longer needs to do any thinking, planning or preparing or that the child no longer needs to utilize common sense, self-responsibility or accountability, the tools become more harmful than helpful. At some point, we have to let our kids make mistakes, get behind, wander into forbidden territory and learn their role in their own choices. Let’s hope that we parents can keep encouraging our children to do this as children and not drop them into adult life only to learn those lessons, then.