The Second Marriage

My husband was married before. This is my first marriage and his second. I even knew his first wife. Though to be honest, I hardly think of her as having ever been his wife. I have a unique perspective because at the time, their marriage was already rocking under the tremors of disparate expectations, disappointments and emotional withdrawal.

Even though I knew this, it is still hard to comprehend some of what he went through. No matter how estranged couples are when they divorce, they still go through a lot of pain. They experience a wealth of self-doubt, misery and failure. This is a dangerous time for individuals – especially if they fall into another marriage very quickly.

More often than not, they end up in what is called a ‘re-bound relationship’ and while they can work, they often don’t. It’s important to give yourself time after a divorce or death of a spouse before engaging in another relationship or jumping into another marriage. It’s important to come to terms with why the first relationship didn’t work out. In both cases, the death of a spouse or the divorce, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve.

If and when you are ready to find love again, talk to your potential spouse about the idea of a long engagement. If you take the time to understand the mistakes of the previous marriage and to mourn the loss of the spouse, it can help you to avoid repeating past mistakes or comparing your new relationship to the old one.

When you marry someone and it’s their second marriage, develop a greater sense of compassion for what they have gone through. Understand they may have emotional baggage and help both of you by working it out beforehand. It will be hard for both of you to commit to the marriage if you’ve not allowed your partner to commit to their emotional divorce.

If the shadows of the previous marriage are affecting your current relationship, it may be time to talk to a marriage counselor. They can help you both to sort out past feelings and to build a stronger marriage together.

Fran Hopkins talkes about the The Incredible Sweetness of Love in the Single-Parenting Blog. Rediscovering love may lead to a second marriage.

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About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.