I would like to go on record as saying this is all really my opinion–I’m not trying to pick on step-parents or step-families or even movies and books–BUT, I’ve just about had it with movies and stories that depict a benevolent person coming in and “saving” the single parent family. Let me explain…
There seems to be this myth perpetuated in our modern pop culture–it’s not the mean and nasty, evil step-parent myth, but the story line goes something like this: poor, struggling single parent and miserable children stumbling along, then handsome/beautiful suitor comes along who is eager to get involved with single parent, can’t wait to take on step children and treat them as his/her own, single parent is reluctant to open up and trust–but can’t handle family on his/her own, step-parent takes over and they become a “traditional family,” and everyone lives happily-ever-after.
Okay, first of all, I am taking offense to the image that single parent families (whether they are led by mom’s or dad’s) are miserable and bumbling. As we’ve talked about here, and I’ve chatted with many single parents who are raising happy, well-adjusted, “typical” families, that is not the case. Sure, we might not have the same income level or standard of living, and we may have some other realities that differ from the two-parent home, but that doesn’t mean we need to be rescued.
Secondly, as most of us know– in the real world, there is not a stable full of people (men or women) dying to date and become involved with the single parent and his or her brood. It really takes a very special person to be able to commit to both a partner and children and be devoted to both. That’s tough and it’s not something that most single people are eager to do. Meanwhile, the single parent has ever right to feel mistrustful and careful and not all eager to invite a new person into his or her family. That is a decision that should be weighed carefully because a family that has already been through the loss of a divorce or death, doesn’t need to go through it all over again. Sure, there are those rare and wonderful individuals out there, but for every step-family that is the ideal–there are a dozen more that don’t work out, or bring additional pain on the kids or adults.
Finally, single parent families do not need to be rescued and I think it sends a horrible message to all the children of single-parent families (and there are plenty!) that their families are flailing and failing. The fairy tale in popular movies and articles and books is really not representative of the way single parent families are really living today or the genuine modern experience. The idea that a partner or love interest is the only solution is just a perpetuation of the “prince or princess on the white horse” theme and I think it does more harm than good.
Well, this is all just my opinion as I warned in the beginning of this article. I’m sure there are those who feel differently, but I’d like to let this fairy tale go and start focusing more on the strong, capable, and loving single parent as I like to think that is more the norm and that is the REAL story!
Also: Marrying With Children