The world of “dating” has at last entered our home. It is something I wasn’t necessarily dreading but definitely wasn’t looking forward to.
I have always said that this time could only come based on certain factors. It wouldn’t be a “magical age” in which permission would be granted. It would be based on things such as grades, my level of trust, the character of my child and so on. In other words, it would be taken on a case-by-case basis.
In addition, I have spent the past few years observing the way other families have handled this issue. Now that most of my friends also have teenagers, I have been granted the opportunity to learn from them as well.
So dating, in my view, is not something you can put into a box. It is not a one-size-fits-all. I would never be able to write a book on dating because I could never confine it to a set idea or method.
But I will share some of the ways my husband and I have chosen to deal with dating. It doesn’t mean they are right or wrong; it is just the way we have decided to approach it…at least for now.
First, we must meet the other person. That is pretty much a given. But it doesn’t mean we just meet them one time. We must also be allowed the opportunity to get to know them.
Second, we must meet that person’s parents. I usually have a pretty good feel for people, so this is important. While I don’t base everything on first impressions, I do trust my sense in people.
Third, rules must be established and agreed upon. This includes the other person’s parents agreeing to them. For instance, they are not allowed to be alone. It’s not that someone has to be sitting in the same room with them, but there can’t be any closed doors.
Fourth, the relationship must be taken slowly. While I can’t be there every moment and I can’t control feelings, I do have some control over the amount of time they spend together. Rushing things is not a good idea on several levels, so this is openly discussed.
So far it has been going well. But it doesn’t mean we will let our guards down and it doesn’t mean that adjustments won’t happen along the way.
How have you handled dating with your teen?
Related Articles:
Teen Dating: When Your Teen Isn’t Ready
Teen Dating: When Your Teen Is Ready
Something Important to Look for in Teen Dating
Photo by taliesin in morgueFile