There can be no denying that I am the Mom in my household with a capital “M”—I am the authority and the bill-payer and the ultimate responsible party. I have grown comfortable with it over the years and I am not the slightest big interested in going back to my teens or my twenties or living the life I did prior to having kids. THAT SAID, there is also a rebellious gal inside who resents always having to be “responsible”—I still occasionally want to stay out late with friends and let the dishes sit in the sink over night. As a matter of fact, the older I get, the more ready I am to be able to do what I WANT for a change…
I know full well that there are much sweeter, more reserved and happily responsible parents than I am. Even though I always knew that I really wanted to be a mom, in most ways I am pretty non-traditional. The up-side to this has been that my three children have not ever been shockingly rebellious (since Mom pretty much got there first) and they do not feel like they have to push very hard to be accepted for their individual selves. Me, on the other hand, I sometimes want to shout from the rooftops that I am either A. Not that kind of mom! or B. I don’t want to play by anyone else’s rules!
The truth is, we may be walking around, holding down jobs, paying the mortgage and looking for all the world like the grown up responsible adult that we are supposed to be, but deep inside (or not very deep as the case may be), we are still the same person we have always been. In my case, the composed outer-exterior of a calm, responsible mother hides a rebellious, fun-loving and risk-taking adventurer. I’m looking forward to the day when she can come out to play more again.
See Also: Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother