In today’s world it seems that you are either a Tiger Mom, or you’re not. There is no in between and each camp thinks the other is doing it wrong. As a single mother I worry all the time that I’m not doing the right things to help my child be successful.
Should I push more? Should I hold Hailey to a higher standard to ensure that she is successful or will that just make her resentful?
Should I relax more? Let Hailey figure out who she is and go with the flow or will that make her lazy and unmotivated to reach her potential?
Since the beginning of time parents have been second guessing themselves. At no time is that more true than when you find yourself a single parent. We feel like we need to do everything right because everyone is judging us, including our ex spouse.
In our quest to turn out perfect children and protect them from anything that can possibly harm them, we are making them miss out on opportunities to grow.
Part of growing and maturing is making mistakes. You can’t learn how to do the right thing if you have always been protected from the wrong thing.
As a helicopter parent working on reforming myself, I know that I have undermined my daughter’s confidence by “fixing” everything for her. I’m afraid that I’ve taught Hailey not to trust herself and her abilities because I always jump in any time she struggles. As a result Hailey is easily frustrated and gives up quickly.
So many childhood rites of passage our children are denied, lots of them because of fear. We watch the news, we are afraid of what can happen. Because of this our kids don’t go to camp, which is a great opportunity for them to gain some independence and learn that they can problem solve without mom or dad there to help.
We keep the kids in the yard instead of letting them explore the woods behind the house. We build tree houses from elaborate kits instead of allowing them to build forts in the backyard with cardboard and plywood.
Everyone wants their child to be safe but what is it really costing our children?