When I was married I didn’t worry about things like noises in the night or spiders. After all, I had a husband and he always took care of those things. This was not something I thought about before the divorce but once I was living alone I found that there wasn’t anyone else around to kill my spiders. It was time to put on my big girl panties and deal with creepy crawlies and things that go bump in the night.
Those first few nights were the worst. I had never actually lived alone in my life. I left my parent’s home to get married; suddenly it was just me, and a ten year old. I had to be brave, I had to pretend I could handle anything so that Hailey wouldn’t feel insecure and unsafe. At first this was terrifying. I wasn’t sure I could keep us safe but I knew I had to. I wasn’t even sure what I was afraid of but it seemed like every time I listened to the news a house was broken into, a woman was assaulted, children were missing.
Everything was fine, I worried for nothing but it was still scary. I have learned so much about myself since the divorce. So many things I thought I couldn’t do, didn’t have the strength to do, I’ve done. I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way and I’m not sure how safe I made Hailey feel but I did the best I could. It’s funny how the very thing you never expect to have to do makes you stronger and shows you who you really are.
I’m not afraid in my home anymore. I take all the necessary precautions but I don’t live in fear. I can take care of the bees, spiders and other creepy things that used to scare me. Now that there isn’t anyone else to rescue me I have found what I am truly capable of, and now, spiders fear me!