In my Fast Start blog, I set out some steps to take so that you will be ready to proceed with the various stages of adoption as soon as possible. (Follow the advice of your own adoption agency, of course.) Still, some waiting is inevitable. Here are some things to do.
Some of these you have heard before. Learn basic baby care, if applicable. Learn about child development and what children typically do at the age your child-to-be is currently, if you have a child identified, and at the age he/she is likely to come home. Learn about any special needs your child has. Prepare to travel. Learn about your child’s culture and language, if different from your own. Make some contacts in your community who share your child’s culture, if applicable.
Some adoptive parents prefer not to get their child’s room ready too early for fear of disappointment. It may be wise not to purchase too many clothes until you know your child’s size. A delay of six weeks can mean all different sizes are needed for a young child. If friends wish to throw you a shower, you may accept enthusiastically but suggest they wait until the child is home. Nevertheless, you may wish to have a couple of basic outfits ready in two or three sizes if you expect to have to travel quickly. If your means permits, you can donate those that are too small, perhaps to the agency or orphanage from which your child comes. If you must be very choosy when buying, at least plan ahead of time where you will buy the clothes.
Childproof your house if your child will be over six months old at the time of arrival. Get down on your knees and see how many outlets and other dangers are present at a child’s eye level.
One bit of advice often mentioned by adoptive parents is something you may not have thought of before: your physical fitness. When you adopt a newborn, you gradually increase your fitness as you move from carrying an eight-pound child to a child of twelve, fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty pounds. If you adopt an older child, it can be a sudden strain. Many, many adoptive parents say they wish they had worked out more! Even if your child is walking, you will want to lift him or her sometimes—to see something, to hurry through an area, to remove him or her from public while throwing a tantrum, or just to lift him/her onto your lap. Don’t let a back injury mar a precious time. See the Fitness blog here at Families.com for help in getting ready.
Spend time with your older children if you have any. Get them together with children the age their new sibling will be. Show them their baby pictures and talk about how much time it took you to feed them, change them and get them to sleep when they were younger. This way they will understand that parents must spend a lot of time with young children (or any child new to the household), not that parents are choosing to spend time with the new sibling instead of the older sibling.
Don’t forget your spouse. Many couples try to go away together before a new baby comes. Adoptive parents should try to spend a lot of time together as well, especially since a newly-adopted child may be sensitive to being left with caregivers for some months after their arrival. Spend some time with your friends as well.
You can also identify people in the community who can help you—babysitters, community college parenting classes or parent support groups, children’s health information lines which have recorded information on a number of topics.
Please see this related blog:
Promoting a Positive Sibling Adjustment