A pioneer is someone who is breaking new ground and leading the way into unchartered territory. As single parents, we often get trapped thinking of ourselves as “outside” the pack or not part of a societal accepted mainstream. Instead of letting that inferiority complex take hold, how about thinking of ourselves as pioneers instead?
I have a few books on female pioneers and women who traveled West on the Oregon Trail to start new lives on the West coast and I have found them to be amazingly inspirational. Many of these women started out reluctantly on the journey west as part of an “in tact” family, only to lose their spouses along the way (and often a child or two) to disease, injury or some other mishap. Not only did they become single parents, but they also continued on the hardship-laden adventure on their own.
When I get down on myself or feel as though my own single parent situation is overwhelming, it helps me to turn to these well-worn and well-read books for encouragement and inspiration. Reading the journal entries and accounts helps me to see the heroic in the every day details and I can understand metaphorically how ALL single parents are really pioneers—carving out new lives and breaking new ground in the ashes of an old existence.
That slight shift in thinking and self-talk can be just what is needed to turn things around. Instead of beating ourselves up for what our lives are not, we can take stalk in the new ways we are finding of building a family and relish our role as pioneers. This does not mean that we are better than or worse than anyone else (or better than or worse than other versions of ourselves—we are just heading off in our own directions!
Also: Building Up Your Reserves