Okay, here is your quiz question for the day: How well do you remember being a child? And, the follow-up questions: Are there certain ages you remember being better than others? Are there triggers that make it difficult for you to remember that you’re the parent now and NOT still a child? Most of us bring our childhood experiences with us into parenting and we either want to right the wrongs that were done to us, do things completely different than our parents did, or sustain a pretty good or idyllic childhood. As parents, however, we have to remind ourselves that we have to be the grown-up and separate ourselves from the role of child—all while tapping into that empathy to share with our children.
I know that I swore I was never going to be one of those parents who said “When I was your age” but of course I do. I realize now that it can be a parent’s way of trying to let kids know that we were once children going through similar experiences. Of course we need to convey to our children that we understand and empathize, but we have to think like the parent. What I tell my children is that I’ve already been 16, 17, 18 or whatever and while I remember it well, NOW I have to be the forty-one year-old mom. That is my job and my obligation. I “get it” but I do have to think like the adult I am and behave accordingly, I’m the parent this time around.
None of us wants to be un-cool or un-hip but we can overdo it. Being a “buddy” is different from being the authority. That said, we still want to let our children know that we understand and empathize with their feelings and what they are going through. I really do believe that a parent can evolve INTO a friend, but it requires that you really be the parent when needed—with compassion, understanding, and empathy.
Also: Developing a Strategy for Answering Questions
Ask if They Want Your Opinion First