There are many misconceptions that enter our minds when we learn that our child has a lifelong disability. The diagnosis (or lack of diagnosis) can be crushing, and sometimes we cling to self-defeating notions that just aren’t so. Here are three examples of myths that can cloud our judgement:
1. My child is going to be unhappy and live an unsatisfying life, full of difficulties.
It’s true that a special-needs child has challenges. But it is not true that these special kids can’t live happy, fulfilling, even joyous lives. Often the majority of the “woe” felt over the disability is by mom, dad, and relatives, whose dream-child concept has been shattered. But remember that the child doesn’t know any different than his own circumstances. He wants to be happy; he wants to explore and learn and have grand experiences. He wants to be loved and appreciated and to belong, just like the rest of us. With a supportive family environment, and plenty of opportunities to learn, discover, and progress, your child can have an amazing and inspiring life. Some of the biggest, most delightful smiles I have ever seen were on the faces of special needs kids.
2. My life is going to be unhappy, unsatisfying, and full of difficulties.
There isn’t a person on the planet who doesn’t experience times of sadness, grief, frustration, stress, and difficulty. But there is no reason for your life to be defined by unhappiness. It’s all in your attitude. Too many parents of special needs children become imprisoned in their lives by choice. They adopt a “poor me” attitude, refusing the kind gestures of others and choosing isolation. Rather than imprison yourself, take charge. Get into a routine, set goals, plan fun activities, schedule babysitters and move forward. This is a situation where you must take charge and re-define your life. Reach out to other people, and continue to stay close to friends and relatives. You need their support.
3. Nobody understands what I’m (we’re) going through.
Although every situation is unique, many have walked in your shoes. And many are currently dealing with the same challenges you are. They might not be your next door neighbors or immediate family members, but there are families raising special needs children in every neighborhood, town, and city across the USA. You would probably be shocked to learn just how many people are in a nearly identical predicament to yours, raising a child with the same kind and level of disability. It’s your job to find these people. You should consider them like lost relatives you’re trying to track down. You’ll have an immediate bond with them, because you feel their grief, and they feel yours. You’ll instantly understand each other, and can offer each other a lot. Contact the foundation that represents your child’s disorder, and join a support group. Your whole life can change by getting involved in reaching out to others.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here.