One of the things that impressed me the most about a friend of mine when I first began to know her is that she never had anything bad to say about her husband. While other wives got together at play groups and complained, she never once criticized her spouse in order to relate or bond with everyone else. it impressed me so much that I knew I wanted to be her friend.
So often we complain about our spouse in an effort to gain some sympathy, perhaps to seek advice or to relate to someone else. Women especially tend to want to show a friend that they can understand by offering a related complaint or story.
A better way to go when you might be tempted to complain about your spouse is to have at least three positive stories at hand. You may or may not want to share these three positive stories with others, depending on the stories and the situation, but having them in place all the same can remind you exactly how wonderful your spouse really is and how much you love him or her.
For your three stories, choose something that you would be able to tell with details if you wanted to do so. “He’s romantic” doesn’t quite go so far as “One time when I went to bed so sad about missing my best friend, he went out into the woods and picked some wildflowers so they would be the first thing that I saw when I woke up. Since he isn’t the morning person, he had to set the alarm and hide it under his pillow so it wouldn’t wake me.”
Do you see what I mean? Find three such stories to keep close.
Complaining about your spouse usually doesn’t do any good. It focuses on the negative and can influence you to feel unsatisfied, even if you aren’t normally. Worse yet, you can get into the habit of complaining about your spouse, making him or her feel, well, completely unappreciated.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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For a Good Marriage, Avoid the Story Telling