Do you have an argumentative sore spot in your marriage? You might even have more than one. So often in marriage we can think of the big issues like money, change, work, or family issues, as being the things we tend to keep on top of and try not to argue about. We might be really careful to discuss these issues and then find wham! It’s the little side issues that trip us up and cause to argue.
I know for example, and Mick would agree, that we’ve never had problems talking about and coming to reasonable and logical decisions about the big issues. But yes, we do have an argumentative sore spot. If ever we start to raise our voices, you can bet the computer is involved. You can feel the stress levels climb, as soon as we both get together with the computer. The trouble is nether of us are very aux fait with computers and when something doesn’t work, I’m at a loss. I tend to call on him because he has a bit more knowledge than I do.
Think about your own relationship.
1. Identify the problem. What is the trigger that often becomes the sore point that flares into argument for you?
2. Now the obvious solution if you know you have identified an augmentative sore spot is to by bypass it, if at all possible. Don’t put yourself in the position where it can arise. For example if your spouse is a person who is not at their best in the mornings, then don’t try and get into deep and meaningful conversations then. If there is something you know that irritates your spouse and is a trigger for arguments, try and change your pattern of behavior.
3. What if you can’t eliminate the trigger? It’s not always possible to eliminate the catalyst for arguments. When I have a problem with the computer, I’m still going to call Mick to help deal with it, simply because he understands more than I do of the workings of these contrary beasts.
4. Sometimes it’s enough to know problem areas exists. By being aware that there is a situation fraught with possible argument at least helps both of us to remember it’s the computer misbehaving, not each other we are angry with.
I’d love to hear what some of you find are triggers for argumentative sore spots and how you deal with them.
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