One of the biggest challenges we as parents face is trying to stay calm when our children are acting out. In Common Sense Parenting, the authors offer some suggestions on how not to blow our top when confronted with a misbehaving child.
The first thing they point out is that getting steamed won’t help the situation, in fact, it could make it worse. We have to know what it is that makes us angry in the first place so that we will be able to deal with our kids when a behavior problem rears its ugly head. If you find that you typically yell, curse, throw things or spank your kids when you are angry this may stop the behavior momentarily but it also teaches your kids to do likewise when they are angry.
When parents learn to stay calm during tense situations they will find that not only will the behavior or tantrum stop sooner but it won’t last as long and it won’t be as severe.
Here are some ways parents reported they were able to calm down in tense situations:
Slowly Counting to ten
Putting their hands in their pockets as a way to be less demonstrative (and less threatening to the child)
Sitting down
Taking a deep breath and then letting it out slowly
Leaving the room until they felt calm enough to handle the situation
Going outside for a short walk
Calling someone- a best friend or relative- and discussing the situation
Sitting down and writing out why they were upset
Finally, one important thing we have to do is learn to control our reactions. We all get upset and lose our temper. Learning to control how we respond is important. Here are a few things you need to keep in mind:
(1) Don’t take the things your child says in anger personally.
(2) When you find yourself getting angry, before you say one word, take a five minute break to think about what is happening and how you are going to handle it.
(3) Focus on your child’s behavior and not what you think is the reason for their misbehavior.
(4) If you get angry and end up saying or doing something that you regret, go back and apologize.
(5) At times when you get angry and have to raise your voice, do so in a firm, no-nonsense tone.
Do you have any methods of staying calm that works well for you?
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