While Hallmark and Kay Jewelers commercials may try and lead us to believe this is a season of receiving romantic gifts and creating peaceful memories, anyone involved in a real-life relationship knows this can be a season for anything but blissful moments.
The holidays add stress. There are extra errands to run, gifts to buy, parties to attend, and schedules to shuffle. Yes, amidst the chaos there are happy times or else no one would sign up for the seasonal celebrations year after year, but there’s also the potential for plenty of chaos and short fuses –and I don’t just mean in the Christmas lights.
You know what, though? That’s actually a good thing. Bring it on. The more chaos the merrier.
Say what?
That’s right. You read me right: conflict can be a good thing. In fact, every relationship could stand a dose of a little conflict from time to time. It does a relationship good.
How?
If you don’t vent, you fester. If you fester, you rot inside. Or you get to the point where you explode over things that would otherwise be insignificant. That probably should be insignificant.
But if you vent and let off steam as it builds up, you actually do your relationship good. As long as you do it in a healthy and respectful manner. That means listening to your mate and working towards finding a solution to the problem, not just rehashing old arguments over and over.
Studies show that couples who fight actually have happier marriages. This isn’t new news either. I found an article from the New York Times published February 21, 1989 called “Want a Happy Marriage? Learn to Fight a Good Fight” by Daniel Goleman. It said that couples who fight actually grow closer over time compared to those who don’t.
It also said that some couples are so attuned to each other that they never fight, but those were definitely the exception and not the rule. The vast majority of couples have some degree of conflict to contend with in their marital lives.
So if you’re in the vast majority and a fight breaks out this holiday season, consider it a blessing and a chance to strengthen your marriage and grow closer to your spouse. Over the next couple of days I’ll examine some fighting styles and how to fight fairly so that you can make sure you’re fight’s a good one, not just a big one.
Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.
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