We talked about active listening earlier today and we’ve tried to offer a lot of suggestions on how to positively resolve conflicts and more. The following are the top 5 worst ways you can handle conflict in your marriage or in most other relationships. If you recognize yourself in the following descriptions, it may be time to consider alternatives in how you handle those conflicts.
- Going on the Defensive – The moment a problem is mentioned or an issue is brought up, you immediately go on the defensive instead of actively listening and hearing the problems that your spouse is trying to talk to you about. Being defensive eliminates respect for your spouse’s needs and makes everything about yourself – it’s a very selfish method of behavior and escalates conflict rather than helps to resolve it
- The You Always and Never Line of Debate – One of the worst things you can do in an argument is to use the you always do this or you never think about arguments because those are large, sweeping generalizations and nine times out of ten, they are hopelessly wrong
- Playing Analyst to your Partner – Don’t ever tell your spouse what they are really thinking or breaking down what happened in their past. It’s not your job to be their therapist or analyst and it’s also very insulting to the person who is trying to communicate their feelings and frustrations to hear themselves sorted, categorized and filed away rather than heard
- Blaming Them – The blame game wins no rounds. Saying I overspent on the budget because you didn’t listen to me about what we needed or I was out all night because you are never there for me-it’s abdicating your own responsibilities in the relationship and making them responsible for everything – good or bad
- I’m Right – Taking the hard line that states your point of view or perspective is absolutely the right one makes you not only arrogant , but impossible to talk to because no one is right one hundred percent of the time and what may be right in your perspective, may not be in someone else’s
What other ways are bad for handling conflict?