It is interesting to note that the value of children seems to be decreasing in the United States. According to the US Census in 1965 the average family with children had 2.44 children. In 2005 the number had dropped to 1.82 children. That means there are an increasing number of families with only one child or no children at all. So why is there a decreased rate in the number of children being born?
Kenneth Davison, who has a master in Theological Studies, attributes it to three main beliefs that permeate today’s society:
1. Marriage is focused on the good of the husband and wife and reaches it’s fulfillment in the self-realization of the couple.
Many couples enter into marriage with the intent to live with and enjoy each other. Many marriages are childless by design. “Either the couple did not intend to have children from the beginning, or having children is intentionally postponed until later in the marriage, but the spouses find over time that children never seem to “fit” into what they want out of their married life.”
Many have the attitude that having children would take away from their personal freedom proclaiming that, “they want to marry each other, not children.” Added to this is the insecurity that surrounds many marriages. Often couples don’t have children because they are not sure that the marriage is going to work out. They plan on waiting until they know that the marriage will last before having children. Yet with this attitude few marriages do succeed.
What childless couples do not understand is that children actually fulfill a marriage. “Marriage is fulfilled by the selflessness which results in children. Marriage is instituted for the sake of children first, and spousal benefit second, because there is no real conflict between these two objectives, despite the conventional wisdom that this is a zero-sum game which means the spouses must either jealously guard their personal good or sacrifice it by working for the good of their children.” A couple can’t really be a family until they have children. As a parent you do sacrifice for your child but there is no greater fulfillment than seeing your child accomplish, learn, and grow.
2. A married couple has a right to have or not have children, as it is convenient or desirable to them.
In today’s society children are being “added to a lifestyle wardrobe or not, as one’s whims so dictate.” All over Hollywood stars and business executives are having babies. “Some cynics express the spirit of this practice as being the presentation to oneself of a ‘trophy child’ to reflect another milestone along the modern highway of self-indulgence. The unspoken assumption in most cases is that, just as a pretty scarf or a tie can augment your eveningwear, a child or two may give an added flair to a variety of lifestyles.”
There are currently many ways to prevent children from being born as well as artificial ways to have children. “The underlying assumption is that the right to be a parent or not is prior to the right of a child to be born.” It used to be that having children followed marriage, with couples not making an active choice as to whether to have children or not. Although some couples could not have children it was not from a lack of desire. Yet today that belief has changed.
3. The belief that children will negatively affect a parent’s lifestyle.
“Many couples see a child as creating a drain on their material resources, thereby having a negative impact on their lifestyle, notwithstanding any emotional benefit a child may give them. Beyond the household impact, we are all aware that today’s conventional wisdom is that each human individual is a burden upon the environment.” Children are expensive. But as a parent of three children I can honestly say that the expense is worth it. The joy that my children bring to me is worth more than any amount of money. After all when I am 70 or 80 and look back on my life it is going to be my children and grandchildren and the memories that I have that will be most important not the type of car that I drove or the size of home that I lived in.
What do you think – are children worth it?
Look for my upcoming blog on the benefits of having children.