Most professionals would agree that it is usually best to wait a certain amount of time after the breakup of a relationship before beginning to date. I know there will be exceptions to this unspoken rule, and acknowledge that this article is proposing what generally works for people.
Generally speaking waiting 1-2 years after the ending of a significant relationship before you begin another relationship is a good rule of thumb. Of course there are a lot of variables to consider such as your children’s ages, availability of childcare, and of course the availability of interesting potential dates.
Some single women I know prefer not to date at all. They are not anti-relationship; they just have other primary goals that they are trying to obtain. One young woman, is working toward her Masters degree and has decided not to date, even though there are some nice potential dates in her program, so that she can focus on her studies and part-time work.
Mending your heart and trying to meet the needs of your children should be the primary goal of a newly divorced person. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, and get to know yourself first before beginning to date. Through the pain and fog that is often associated with a breakup-a person can really get to know him or herself as a single person and not just half of a couple.
Sometimes people try to replace the pain and heal the hurts they are experiencing after divorce with another relationship. This rarely works. Even if the breakup of the relationship was primarily due to the other person, there will still be baggage that needs to be worked through. According to author Dr. Thomas Whiteman several things need to be considered when establishing new relationships, so that old negative behavior patterns might be avoided:
“You will need to evaluate the factors that led to the breakup of your previous relationship. What choices proved to be unwise? On what values did you base those choices? Do you need to reconsider those values? What aspects of your personality need work?” Honestly evaluate your own problem areas separately from what you think your ex’s problems were.
Beginning to date again affects us and our children as well. The decision to date should be made thoughtfully.