As a rule, I do not try purposefully to embarrass my kids (which is more than I think I can say for them); in general, I try to be solid, reasonable, and not too much of an out-of-touch dork, but I think single parents can get confused and the boundaries can get blurred–we might end up either trying too hard to be our child’s “buddy” or we may get so involved in our own life that we come across as embarrassing and dorky. Of course, as our children become teenagers, they are supposed to find their parents a bit out of touch, but there are things we can do as single parents to try to keep things a bit more “normal.”
I put the word “normal” in quotation marks because I am not really convinced that we should all strive to be like everyone else. Not to mention, what is perfectly normal for one family may not be for another, but here are some things that might make it tougher on the child of a single parent: Do you try to dress like your child and act younger than you are? Are you alienating the other parents because of your behavior? I am not being judgmental here, but trying to paint the picture from our child’s perspective. On the flip side, if we are depressed or sad or grumpy all the time, that can make us appear pretty unapproachable and unfriendly–what child wants to bring friends home to that? Surely, some of these are things that we might not be able to control and getting professional help may be imperative–but if we CAN control it and we have let ourselves get too sloppy, grouchy, or are trying to recreate our youth–it could be embarrassing for our child.
Remember, our children are trying to get along and fit in to some extent and they may already feel a bit out of place or “different” because they come from a single parent family. While I don’t think we single parents need to try to act like everyone else or deny our authentic originality, we can give our behaviors and activities a “once over” to see if we can make adjustments that will make it less difficult or stressful for our children.
Also: Try to Instill Confidence
You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of Your Child