We Don’t Get to Choose Their Personalities

Okay, confession time–when you imagined yourself as a parent, nurturing your little bundle of joy–did you imagine a child just like the one you have? For those of us who have more than one, perhaps we “knew” that we would have a house full of various personalities but chances are, we didn’t exactly imagine what we got. I think the Universe or God or whatever you choose to call it, has a way of sending us the children and personalities that we NEED–not necessarily those that we would choose for ourselves.

I remember before I had my children, I would be places and watch as new mothers spread out a soft and lovely quilt, sprinkled a few toys on it and laid down their round and pleasant baby to amuse him or herself while the world went on around them. The baby looked so content, so mellow, so contained. When I first became pregnant and imagined myself with my new baby, this is the image I had of myself–a content, contained baby cooing at my feet on a clean, soft quilt.

Okay, three kids later and I did NOT get a single baby who was content to play sweetly on the clean, soft quilt. They all kicked, squirmed, refused to stay in any area without barriers, gates and mom tugging them back. None of them was every satisfied with the toys in front of them and always wanted something else from somewhere else–usually something that was not a toy in the first place. They have all been busy, driven, unique, and while I cherish and adore their personalities, I also belief that they were sent into my life to teach, extend, expand, and exasperate me. I do. I really do.

So, when I hear people talk about how they could “never adopt” because they just don’t know “what sort of personalities and people” they would get, I cannot help but share the truth that all of us parents know–it doesn’t matter whether you give birth to them, adopt them, or how they come into your life–you don’t get to choose or truly shape their personalities anyway. I believe we get the children we are meant to get regardless!

Also: Who Needs an Attitude Adjustment–You or Me?

Emotional Mirroring

Listening to Your Kids