I am so frustrated tonight. It has been about eight months since we started trying to get pregnant with our second child and I received definite confirmation this morning that we were unsuccessful yet again. Isn’t it so hard to wait for pregnancy? I was so fortunate with my first in that it only took us two months. I have some friends who tried for years to get pregnant. What I have learned though, that it is hard to wait when you’ve been trying for two months or twenty four. When you decide you want to have a baby (or another), it just can’t happen soon enough!
Despite my frustration, I also feel a sense of peace. I know deep down that I have nothing to worry about. The timing simply isn’t right. I am incredibly blessed to be staying home with my 21 month-old son, who really does expend all of my energy on a daily basis. When I really sit back and examine all that I have, I realize I am content waiting. My moments of weakness are fleeting, often in the form of jealousy when a friend announces a pregnancy. Admit it, you know exactly what I’m talking about! But those moments quickly fade for me when I realize how genuinely happy I am for that friend. They were likely waiting with just as much anticipation and anxiety!
I suppose a lot of my frustration is over being frustrated in the first place. Wasn’t it my plan to get pregnant by “accident” and not obsess over it? What happened to that carefree plan? I think it went out the window when my son turned 18 months and we still hadn’t stumbled into pregnancy. I’d really like to go back to that plan: to relax, enjoy my family and my hobbies, and let everything take its own course. It’s stressful trying to conceive, and that stress is likely sabotaging me!