It’s amazing how kids can become so wrapped up in what they are doing that they literally tune out everything else that’s happening around them. I’ve noticed lately that Tyler spends a lot of time in fantasy play and when he’s engaged there’s no talking to him. Yes, sometimes he will respond with an automatic answer but technically, he didn’t hear me because he was wrapped up in what he was doing.
Although it can be a bit frustrating, this type of behavior is normal. Many times I have remarked to Tyler that talking to him is like talking to a brick wall and when he’s in the zone, that’s exactly what it’s like. Instead of taking it personally, I have come to accept his zoning out as a part of normal human development. As adults, we do it so why shouldn’t our kids be allowed the same pleasure. Many times I have sat through a boring lecture or speech and spent the entire time daydreaming waking up only to realize that the speaker was finished. I’ve even laughed in all the appropriate places (when I somehow “heard” others laughing) when in fact although my body was in the room my mind was elsewhere.
As a parent, you can avoid frustration when your kids zone out my first realizing that it’s normal and not an attempt to tune you out. Second, if you have something important to say you need to make sure your kids actually see and hear you. I found out the hard way that looking in my direction does not mean Tyler is paying attention to what I am saying. In fact, if I want to tell him something but it’s not urgent I find it best to wait until he’s not so involved before I speak. For instance, if stops to go to the bathroom or ask me for a snack, I know I have his attention for a few minutes. If it’s urgent, I find that physically touching him is the best way to bring him back from his trance. Gently touching him on the shoulder or arm and calling his name usually brings him out. In some cases when he’s really deep in play, I may have to shout or get close to his face to bring him out. This works for me, hope it works for you, also.
See also:
Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
Do You Talk To Your Kids or At Them?
The 3C’s of Effective Communication