“What is a birthmother going through?” is obviously a question that I could never answer. I can only imagine that she must go through a number of emotions throughout her pregnancy and then when she places the baby for adoption. I assume that when she finds out she is pregnant she must be scared, confused, and not always sure where to turn. I would think that for many the choice of adoption for their child is a very difficult decision, but then I have also heard that some birthmothers knew from the beginning that adoption was the only option for them.
When my husband and I were going through our adoption journey we were very fortunate to have the opportunity to get to know our birthmother. She was 5 ½ months along when she choose us to be adoptive parents to Connor. Therefore, we had opportunities to visit her twice before Connor was born and I talked to her weekly on the phone. She was very open and honest with us, although I’m also sure that there may have been things she did not tell us as well. We did at times talk about her decision to place Connor for adoption. She explained that she was not ready to be a parent yet, and when she was ready, she wanted to do it right. She wanted to plan to have a baby the same way we were planning for our baby. By making trips to Pottery Barn Kids and Baby’s R Us. Choosing colors for a nursery, and picking out baby names. She wanted to go back to school and make a decision on a career that she would pursue. She wanted to be married first.
I knew she loved Connor very much, because at the hospital I watched her stare at him. I watched her cry when we all said good-bye to each other. I wasn’t in the room when she said good-bye to Connor but I can imagine that she let him know that he was going to be raised by a couple who would love him and give him everything she could not. I imagine that she told him that she loved him too. I imagine it was the hardest and bravest thing that she ever did or would have to do.
“What is a birthmother going through?” is only a question that a birthmother can actually answer. But if you want to try to get a better idea, then I suggest reading some adoption stories that a birthmother has written. You can find birthmother stories at Adoption Stories and by visiting Adoption.com. You can also visit Options Magazine.com, which is an comprehensive online magazine that women can to read as a resource when they have an unplanned pregnancy.