Many a child has learned how to milk a “boo boo” for a little extra TLC—from the time our children are babies, we parents make a bit of a fuss over them when they get ill or injured and they quickly learn that a physical ailment is a surefire way to get some extra attention. For many parents, we inevitably have to deal with a child faking an illness or injury and depending on how big of a trigger it is for us, we have to figure out how to respond…
When my daughter was in the first grade, I got a call from her teacher. The teacher was concerned that she was coming up with way too many reasons to go to the school nurse’s office. Seems my daughter was finding a way to visit the nurse almost every day. The teacher was worried that she might be needing extra attention or having emotional issues. Turns out that it was not because she wanted attention, but she was fascinated with all the medical supplies and “science” aspect of the nurse’s room! This is the same daughter who is still devoted to science and heading off to study biochemistry in a couple months. I do have another child, however, that learned to use physical “discomforts” to get attention and feel sorry for herself as far back as I can remember. It took me years to learn to detach from it and it can still be a real trigger for me—I am probably the worst parent for providing any sort of support for the faking or exaggerating of an illness or injury.
The point I am trying to make is—try to figure out what is going on for the child—is it about getting attention or expressing a need to be nurtured? Is it that the child has a low pain tolerance and what we think is a minor scrape or upset stomach actually worries and concerns them? Is he or she trying to avoid something or experiencing anxiety and a physical expression is how to cope? Sometimes, it may be a “dynamic”—the child knows that he or she can get a certain reaction from you by faking and illness and you offer up the response that is desired. Figuring out motivation can help you to determine how best to respond. Should you give extra attention or set a boundary? If it is rooted in anxiety or stress, then addressing the root is far better than treating the symptom.
In my daughter’s case—the one with the passion for the nurse’s room—I explained to her how much of the nurse’s time she was taking up with her curiosity and how she was keeping the nurse from being able to tend to truly sick kids. AND, I found other areas of her life where we could explore more science and medical “stuff.” She was able to let the trips to the nurse’s station go.
See Also: the HEALTH Blog