As members of the Church, we are asked not to sympathize with apostate groups. But what do we do when someone close to us, perhaps even a member of our own family or a spouse, chooses to apostatize?
This question has caused a great deal of concern amongst members of the Church. They feel that they are being asked to turn their backs on their loved ones, to stop associating with those who have left the Church, and to cut off familial ties. How can this be, when the Church is centered around families?
The answer to this is quite simple. It can’t be, because that’s not how it is.
The Church does not tell us to turn our backs on loved ones who have chosen to leave. Our leaders have not told us to stop associating with our family members because of their choices.
The wording of the counsel we are given is specific. We should not sympathize with an apostate group. This doesn’t mean we stop picking up the phone when Aunt Mildred calls—it means we refrain from entering into religious arguments with her. We don’t stop going to lunch with Uncle Bob—we just don’t accept any anti-Mormon tracts he tries to hand us.
Our Heavenly Father has given us the gift of free agency, and we have the right to choose which church we will join, or to make the choice not to attend church. As our loved ones make these choices for themselves, we can appreciate and support their gift of free will, just like we do our own. We may not agree with their choices. We may feel pain as we see them choose differently than we would. But we do not need to cut them out of our lives—we just need to be careful that we don’t enter into arguments with them about their religious choices.
There are a couple of reasons for this:
1. Arguing about the Gospel brings in the spirit of contention. When we share the Gospel with someone, our goal is to help them feel the Spirit. The Spirit cannot abide where contention dwells, so it does no good to try and teach someone the Gospel when you know there’s an argument brewing.
2. When we talk with apostates and entertain the things they are saying, it can dampen our own testimonies. Instead of listening to anti-Mormon viewpoints, we should study our religion and know for ourselves that what we believe is true. We should be inviting faith and not doubt into our minds.
3. Religion is such a tender subject, and can divide families who worship differently. As we talk to apostate family members and realize that our relationships with them are so precious, we should steer clear of topics that we know will cause pain. Later, if they choose to come back to the Church, they can do it more easily, knowing that our arms are still open.
There is a difference between loving your apostate sister and sympathizing with her apostate beliefs. You can still be her friend, listen to her job and boyfriend woes, and care about her happiness. As you lovingly and tactfully tell her that you’d rather not discuss religion with her, she’ll understand that because you’re still there for her in other ways.
Related Blogs:
What If I Want to Leave the Church?
Free to Choose Liberty and Eternal Life