My husband and I both work full time outside the home. While it is now pretty common for both the husband and wife to work, it is still a pretty new phenomenon when you look at it from a historical perspective. What I have found is that no one really teaches you how to do this. How do you balance work and home life? How do you get things done around the house? How do you keep work from overwhelming your personal life? I really feel like there should be a sort of beginner’s manual for married couples who both work outside the home. Since there isn’t, each couple has to determine for themselves how to keep their work and home lives running smoothly.
Here are the most important elements that you and your spouse need to discuss if you both work:
Division of Labor
Who is going to wash the dishes? What about laundry? What about the yard? You come home from a long day at work and you’re hit by a messy house that desperately needs attention. For my husband and I, the last thing we want to do is start cleaning and doing all of the “domestic” stuff when we have just spent 9 hours in the corporate world. It is important that you and your spouse decide how you are going to handle “the homefront”.
A few things that have worked for us are:
•Survival Cleaning – during the week, we just clean what we have to in order to keep the house livable. This basically means doing the dishes, general straightening, taking out the garbage and tidying the bathroom. We let the rest slide until the weekend, when we clean like madmen.
•His Jobs and Her Jobs – we have found it easier to have certain jobs that we both always do. That way, we have clear expectations of each other and we tend not to argue about who should do what.
Couple Time
Another place where we have found it difficult to balance work and home life is spending enough time together as a couple. We both have jobs where we have to work with people all day and sometimes when we come home, we just don’t want to talk to anyone else! However, if we don’t spend that time together then we find that it hurts our relationship later because we are out of touch.
With this, the things that have worked for us are:
•Taking some alone time when we first get home from work – we usually hug each other and chat for a few minutes, then we both retire to our own activities for a while. This gives us time to wind down and to be ready to spend time together.
•Doing things together that don’t require conversation – often we will cuddle on the couch while watching a movie or television show.
Keeping Work at Work
Another important element that you need to remember is to keep work at work. You do have a life outside of work, even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. It is okay to talk about work with your spouse – in fact, you should talk about your day. But, try not to let work invade your home life. Use the time that you are driving home from work to set aside your responsibilities on the job and to turn to your evening at home. It is hard to do, but the rewards are definitely worth it!