With a divorce rate of over fifty percent in the United States, it’s clear that something isn’t right. With quickie marriages and quickie divorces making news and destroying relationships, one has to wonder what we are doing wrong, and whether we can do anything to fix it. It is obvious to an observant eye that in today’s society, people often decide to marry for the wrong reasons: Social
pressure, an apparent promise of economic security, and an overzealous potential spouse often push people to get married too soon – and the effects can be disastrous. Couples who have married too soon often find that their relationship is not strong enough to survive the responsibilities and changes that come with marriage. However, if you begin to feel that you and your spouse may have married too soon, don’t panic. Your marriage can be saved if you and your spouse are willing to communicate and work together to resolve the pressing issues that will inevitably arise.
If you feel that you may have married too soon, first evaluate how severe you think the problem may be. If it is a simple matter of learning how to adapt to each other in a permanent home setting, it just takes time and cooperation. However, if there are very serious issues coming to light (such as a spouse’s tendency towards infidelity, extremely excessive spending, or abusive behavior), you and your spouse may require professional counseling.
If you decide that the solution can be found between the two of you, schedule a time to speak to your spouse. Explain to your husband or wife that while you feel that you may have rushed into marriage, you are willing to confront and solve the issue. Describe to him or her the specific situations and concerns that you have, but be careful not to cast blame on your spouse. This will cause your mate to become hurt and defensive rather than understanding and cooperative.
After you and your spouse fairly and openly discuss the issue at hand, work together to come up with a solution. Make sure that the solution is equally balanced in terms of either spouse’s responsibility, and that both of you are content with your part of the bargain. If you have a problem with the solution your spouse suggests, don’t stay silent! Remember – it was a lack of communication and proper understanding of one another that led to the situation at hand. You are trying to nip these types of behaviors in the bud, so don’t sell yourself short.
Now, stick to your plan. If your end of the bargain is to speak to your spouse before making any purchases, don’t make exceptions for yourself, however small! Hold up your end of the deal, and your spouse will hold up his or hers. If you promised to be more open about work and daily life, do it. You and your spouse must learn to understand each other the way you should have before you decided to marry. It’s not too late!