When Your Child is Teased Parents Families.com

Teasing is supposed to be fun, right? At least that is what my mother taught us when we were growing up. She had two pat statements. One was “teasing is supposed to be fun” and the other was “if no one is laughing is not funny.” This was her response when we would try to excuse our mean-spirited behavior or things we said to others by saying: “It was a joke!” Still, sometimes our children have friends or peers who take teasing a little too far–or our child is especially sensitive–and teasing becomes a problem.

I’m differentiating teasing from bullying–where the bully is actually purposefully causing grief and pain. In teasing, sometimes the culprit is really trying to be fun, get a child to play, or has learned from adults that this is how to make friends and influence people. Understanding the “teaser’s” motivation will help you to make a judgment call as to whether it is teasing or bullying.

Now, when your child is the one saying “Suzy is teasing me!”–you’ll need to figure out what is really going on. Does it happen often? How does your child respond? Are children using silliness and pestering behaviors to try and get your child to play or become involved and your child is feeling teased? It may sound simplistic, but the way to cope with teasing all comes down to self-esteem and confidence. Your child can learn how to do a few things to either end the teasing or learn how to let it go.

First, help your child learn about what is going on. Why is the child or children exhibiting teasing behaviors and what is the difference between mean-spirited bullying and teasing? Next, the child can learn how to set boundaries and respond to teasing from a position of strength and confidence–talking back, walking away, asking the teaser why she’s teasing, making a joke–all of these are positive ways to deal with teasers and build self-confidence (whereas telling a teacher, crying, etc. do not help the child learn confidence and self-esteem in the long-run).

The truth is, when a child is teased and he or she runs to a teacher or adult or cries, it may stop the teasing behavior for the time being–but it is not best for the child in the long run. That is not to say adults shouldn’t step in when safety is an issue (kids should be taught to get an adult if things are unsafe or unmanageable), but helping a child learn resiliency and how to cope with peer issues on her own gives her a lifelong gift of confidence and social skills.