Ending the relationship that you might have hoped would last forever is traumatic enough, but what happens when your ex decides to get remarried?
If you were not absolutely sure that the divorce was the right thing to do in the first place, hearing about your ex’s new found love or pending marriage can bring additional pain and heartache. Perhaps you were holding out hope that you both would still be able to work things out, and now it seems as if the final nail has been pounded into the relationship’s coffin
Some people may be relieved that their ex is moving on. A woman told me she was glad her ex was getting remarried because then he might stop picking at her over every little thing that they had disagreed about during their marriage.
Whatever the case may be if children are involved, they will have an opinion about the relationship. Their feelings may be positive or negative depending on the depth of their relationship with the parent and his or her new significant other.
When helping children transition through their other parent’s new relationship process the most important thing to do is allow your children to communicate about their feelings in a healthy manner. Children may have a mixed bag of feelings or not know exactly how they feel. Encourage the children to speak with the marrying parent and new step-parent about how he or she feels if possible. When talking to you about their other parent let them talk freely so that they can have a safe person to talk to without fear of repercussions. If the children are angry-let them verbalize this. If they want to talk about the new step parent-let them do so, but don’t encourage negative feelings, instead try to empathize with them. Don’t allow the children to act or speak in an overtly disrespectful manner on a long term basis either.
Make sure you deal with your own feelings, even if you feel like you are being left behind. Don’t let your feelings determine how your child should feel about the new relationship.
Try to develop at least a bearable relationship with the new step parent. You may need to make visitation arrangements or discuss potential problems, if the child’s parent is unable to, with him or her and it helps to be a little friendly.