For the sake of simplicity, we will assume that the primary income for the family comes from the husband, while the wife stays home. Please be aware that today there are many families where it is the other way around, and this article is in no way intended to give the wrong idea.
Comedians make a lot of money with jokes about tight partners, but if you have trouble simply getting enough from your mate to pay the bills or buy groceries, than you know that the jokes aren’t funny at all.
This can be especially humiliating if you live in a household where your husband is the primary breadwinner. Maybe you made an agreement when you first got married that you would stay home and take care of the house and the kids and he would work, or-even though this is financially usually impossible today-he insisted that no wife of his would work. You agreed, but had no idea it would be so hard to get enough money for simple necessities. There are three basic ways to deal with this:
Insist on getting a job. If you don’t want to or can’t work, obviously this isn’t the solution for you, but if your husband agrees that extra income could be a benefit to the family, apply for part time jobs only. You still want to be able to take care of the house, and you probably don’t need all that extra income, just enough to be able to breath a little financially. Many women make the mistake of insisting that they enter the work force, and start applying for full time jobs. These often turn into incredibly long hours, and you will end up resenting both your husband and the work.
Sit down and redo your budget. Do this together, so your husband gets a good idea of where the money is going. This plan can go so well that he ends up understanding the need to give you a little extra, or it may help convince him you need to work part time, either way, it’s living in the solution.
Talk with a mediator. If you’ve tried everything to make your husband understand and still feel he’s not listening, the best mediator for this type of discussion is your pastor or clergyman. They can help keep the conversation light and on track, and they may have ideas that neither one of you thought of. Of course, don’t spring this on him or be sly about setting up the appointment. Your husband may resent the idea of discussing your finances with anyone else, and may feel defensive. Let love and tolerance guide your discussion. Try sitting down with him alone at first, and have a list of concrete reasons to validate your ideas. He will be much more receptive if you can make light of the situation. Always remember that your marriage is one of mutual trust and respect, and the two of you didn’t marry for money, but for the greatest gift you can give each other, love and support.