What do you do when your spouse wants to get a divorce but you do not? In many no fault states, you may not be able to prevent it. Furthermore, trying to live in a marriage when the other person believes that he or she is single cannot be the happiest of situations, so what can you do?
While it may be difficult when your spouse comes to you and says, “I want a divorce,” try to remain calm. Sometimes the statement is made in the heat of the moment of an argument with no real intention behind it. Obviously this isn’t always the case, but it is possible.
Crying, yelling, nagging, carrying on, screaming, hitting, etc., will only make the situation worse. First ask if you spouse really wants a divorce. If the answer is yes, then calmly state that you don’t want a divorce. Make your intentions clear and firm. If you must, ask why your spouse wants a divorce, but don’t respond with accusations. At this moment, you don’t want to do anything to push your spouse further away.
Next will come the hard work.
You have to work on rescuing the relationship, and you may be facing an uphill battle. You’ll have to give your spouse the space that he or she needs, while trying to get back to a place where you both where when you started dating. Keep attractive and pleasant and seek out counseling for yourself, even if your spouse does not want to go with you.
The two of your need to be able to get along better. The best way to do this is to remain pleasant and logical.
I also suggest asking for some rules from your spouse, such as no dating until the divorce is final. An affair will only complicate matters, lead you further away from each other, and let’s face it, it just isn’t right.
If you find yourself in this situation, my heart goes out to you.
You can read more blog posts by Mary Ann Romans here!
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