What would you have done differently if you had known your marriage was only temporary and you would be a single mother? I would never trade Hailey and the joy she brings me, but I would have done things differently had I known.
First I would have prepared better. I would have saved more money. I would have gotten a better education. I would have learned how to do simple home and auto repairs. So many things I should have done and learned to be prepared for single parenthood.
I would like to say I would have chosen a different father for her, but then Hailey would not be Hailey and I can’t imagine not having her in my life. I would have protected us both better from the hurt, had I known it was coming. That would be a terrible way to live, get married, knowing it’s just for now, not forever, living every day preparing for the day one of you leaves.
There is no security in that. You have to go into marriage believing with your whole heart that it’s forever. If there is even a tiny part of you that thinks you can always leave, I think you sabotage yourself and your marriage. I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to know. I was happy in my marriage for a time and I would have hated for that to be tainted knowing it wouldn’t last.
Hailey was happy with her family, how would it have affected her if from the day she was born we had told her, our family is only temporary, just for now, but we love you. I’m glad we couldn’t see the future, couldn’t see a time when every day would be a struggle. I’m glad Hailey didn’t know she would grow up without her father at home, I’m glad she was able to love him and feel secure in his love, believing, as everyone should, that their family is forever.
I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Everything we went through has brought Hailey and I to the people we are today. And that was worth everything, even not knowing.