Who are the birthparents who make an adoption plan for their children? Ed and Anna have spoken in their blogs of some of the issues of birthparents who have had their parental rights terminated and/or relinquished them after having their kids placed in foster care. But who are the birthparents who voluntarily choose adoption? And why do they do it?
I would never presume to speak for all birthparents. Each situation is different. Here are some scenarios I’m aware of in different countries. Keep in mind that things are changing rapidly in many countries.
This blog, Part One, will deal with countries where children are often placed for adoption for societal reasons.
Many people are surprised to learn that in the U.S., unmarried women ages 18-25 are more likely to make an adoption plan for their children than are younger unmarried teens. The director of adoption at our agency told us that many young girls are stuck in thinking they can do it all. After all some high schools have daycares, there is always welfare, their parents will help, or whatever. College students seem more realistic, perhaps they have a glimpse of a future where career and family are built on more stable foundations.
There are exceptions, of course. I know one woman whose son’s adoptive parents were a 30-year-old scientist and her 30-year-old boyfriend. They live in another state from my friend but their family sees them once or twice a year. My friend still doesn’t know why the birthmother chose adoption, but I do know she couldn’t have chosen better parents.
In China, as you might expect, the majority of birthparents are likely to be married couples who already have one daughter. This is a result of China’s “one-child policy” (actually in many provinces a “one-child or one-boy policy”). So many parents who have one girl will give up a second girl so they can try again for a son, believing a son is needed to care for them and carry on the family.
Some people are surprised to learn that children are still being adopted from Korea, since South Korea is no longer thought of as a “poor” country. It is true that Korea’s economy has grown dramatically. This means many young women are moving from rural areas to the cities to take jobs—similar to what happened in the U.S. after the industrial revolution. Unused to being on their own, some of these sheltered girls have never been taught what causes a pregnancy in the first place and are understandably vulnerable. In Korea, the “family register” is an extremely important document. Boy or girl, a child without a father’s signature on the register has a much harder time getting an education, a job, even a spouse. There is also no Medicaid-type program in Korea, so if a child needs medical care placing him/her for adoption may be the only way to assure it. Or if a child has a disability or a facial deformity such as a cleft lip, he or she may be unlikely to be accepted in society.
Korean birthmothers are often in a double bind. Those who have children born out of wedlock are shunned, along with the children, but those who give up their children are looked down on and taunted “who would give up her child” and told they bring shame to their country. Nonetheless, it is so difficult to be a single parent or a child born out-of-wedlock that nearly 85% of unmarried mothers in Korea place their children for adoption. Some are adopted domestically, others go to the U.S., Australia, or Europe—especially the Netherlands and the Scandinavian countries.
See also these related blogs:
Types of Adoption Part One: Domestic Infant Adoption
My Children Met Their Biological Grandparents.
The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents (Part 1)