In a previous article, one reader (Jade “The Muse” Walker) left the following comment:
Years ago, I wrote a list of all the qualities and characteristics I wanted “the one” to possess. It had the usual items: intelligent, romantic, ambitious, independent, honest, faithful, funny, etc. But I forgot one that is vital to a lasting relationship.
Understanding.
If you plan to spend your life with someone, I highly recommend finding a partner who has this quality in spades. I also encourage everyone to develop it as well.
As usual, Jade’s observations were not only astute but timely. It meshes well with the priest I wrote about and his list of five qualities a man must have for a woman to truly be happily matched.
Why a Checklist is Such a Good Idea
Jade is a perfect example of why it’s a good thing to have a list of qualities you want in a mate. She and her beau enjoy a happy union, because she recognized in him the kind of man she wanted. And she knew that because she’d made a list of what it was she was looking for.
Jade’s list was more specific about personality traits than the priest’s. His was geared more to the general issues that make or break marriages.
But having a checklist, whether it’s one like Jade’s or one like the priest’s, helps you define where you stand and what matters to you. This is crucial, because to paraphrase something the priest said during his interview, “Infatuation trumps judgment every time.”
Your Heart Will Always Outwit Your Sensibilities
That’s right. When it comes to matters of the heart, the heart always wins –whether it’s reasonable or not.
Take for instance that most perplexing of all relationships: the ones we know, as outsiders, that were doomed to disaster from the get go.
“What is she thinking? Can’t she see what a [PICK ONE: bum/bonehead/freak/jerk/other] he is?”
No. The expression “love is blind” exists for a reason. Once those chemicals of desire, passion, and lust start churning (which can commonly be confused as “true love”), sense goes out the window.
Protection
But there is a way to protect yourself from making mistakes. With a list.
If you have that to refer to, you’ll better be able to steer away from bad matches. Because it makes saying, “Buzz! Next contestant, please. You don’t match up with my number two, three, and five must haves. We’re not compatible,” a whole easier.
Not Failsafe
Of course, no list is failsafe. Most people can talk themselves into anything.
“Okay, so he doesn’t match up with my number two, three, and five must haves. But he’s so [FILL IN THE BLANK WITH TRAIT OF YOUR CHOICE]. I can live without those other things, right?”
For a time you’ll be able to. But not happily forever after.
So the true trick to all of this is to make your list and stick to it without compromising.
Related Articles
When You Do Not Care for Your Friend’s Partner
More Ideas on How to Handle a Friend’s Choice in Mates