No matter what kind of adoption you choose, people will ask you why you didn’t choose another kind. It reminds me of a “mother-in-law” joke I heard once. Apparently a woman gave her son-in-law two neckties for Christmas. The next time she sees him, he is wearing one of them. Here response to this is, “Why aren’t you wearing the other tie?”.
Adoption seems to be the same way. Everyone seems to have an idea of what kind of adoption is best. Some think you’re crazy not to adopt an infant through domestic adoption. Others want to know why you’re not adopting from foster care. Still others think you should be adopting internationally.
Everyone has their reasons for pursuing their specific form of adoption. I always tell people that they have to decide on the type of adoption that is best for them – regardless of what other people think. However, because this issue keeps coming up, I thought I would explain why we chose international adoption. I hope that you will all understand that I do believe what I said before – not every type of adoption is best for everyone and I don’t expect that everyone will choose the same type of adoption that we have. You need to make your own decision, just like we did.
International adoption is what’s right for our family. Here are the three things that mattered the most to us as we decided on our route to adoption:
A Child Who Needs A Home
We decided to adopt without pursuing fertility treatments. For us, it made no sense to spend time and money on attempts at fertility when we knew there were children waiting for homes. Because of the way we felt, we naturally went towards international adoption. Infants who are born here in the United States will always have a home. Experts estimate that there are 10 to 20 couples waiting for every baby that is placed for adoption. We wanted to adopt a child who might not have a home otherwise.
A Child Who Has No Future
Although the kids who wait for families here in the United States certainly need the love and care of a family, their physical needs are being met. They have food and clothes and a roof over their heads. When they graduate from highschool, their college education is paid for. Contrast this to the situation of orphans in most third world countries. Often they don’t have enough to eat and most of the buildings that are used as orphanages are sadly neglected. When a child “ages out” of the orphanage, they have nothing – no one to look after them, no job training, no future.
Where Our Hearts Lie
This is the most important reason that we chose international adoption. It was where we felt led. We really never thought about any other type of adoption. We just knew that our children were in another country.
For all I know, we may feel led in a different direction in the future, but for now, this is the path we have decided to travel. We wanted to be parents first and foremost, but once we began to pursue adoption, we felt that we could make the biggest difference by making a difference in the lives of the children who seemed to need us most.