‘A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere, before who I may think out loud,’ said Ralph Waldo Emerson. Ideally that person should be your spouse – the person above all others with whom you can be real. You don’t have to pretend. That’s what I like in our marriage, Mick and I don’t have to pretend with each other – ever.
For us, this has not been a good week in that Mick and I have not been well. Nothing earth shattering, just the usual cold and flu winter ills, sore throats, stuffed up noses, coughing and violent headaches. When we are not well, both of us tend to react similarly, we withdraw. Not from each other but from the rest of the world.
This week we withdrew from meetings, outings with friends and various other usual commitments. Last night we even had to withdraw from going to the live theater with two of our close friends, which was disappointing as we’d been looking forward to it for weeks. It’s as much about protecting other people from getting sick because of us, as it us form not trying to do too much and make ourselves worse in the process.
Yesterday when I was trying to write a blog, ‘Nothing’s working,’ I complained to Mick. Every idea turned to slush. It’s hard to think when your head and neck is in a vice and playing base drum and cymbals together.
‘Just forget it,’ Mick said. So being a submissive wife, I did exactly that.
Withdrawing from the world has a positive side in that it gives us both more time to be together and simply focus on each other and look after each other’s needs without having to deal with other activities and people. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing for any marriage, to stop now and then and focus completely on your spouse and keeping them comfortable and looking out for their needs and just doing simple things together.
We’ve spent a lot of time lolling around reading, and watching DVDs, some of them old classics that can always raise a laugh no matter how you’re feeling, like ‘I Was a Male War Bride’ with Cary Grant. Watching it yesterday I noticed it was based on a story by Henri Rochard, the story of a Belgian who married an American Nurse.
As I watched it I couldn’t help wonder how much of the story was true. He certainly went through a lot to marry and then be together with his service woman wife. Sometimes when you have to go through a lot of hard stuff to get married, or as you go through you concentrate on each other, marriage it brings you closer together. So does withdrawing from the world. Of course, you don’t have to be sick to try it. You might just take a couple of day withdrawing from the world simply to spend time together and renew your marriage.
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