While some of us single parents have a hard time getting the confidence and energy to go out and get involved in the world; to pursue interests and activities on our own—there are others of us who stay super busy; we have to keep every night and every moment full so we won’t have to feel alone. I cannot help but think that if you are staying so busy you never get to feel and be alone, you are missing out on one of the great personal growth opportunities of single parenthood.
Learning how to feel comfortable in one’s own skin and by being alone can be incredibly tough, but such a gift when a person learns how to settle in to his or her own silence. As parents, we don’t really get that much silence and alone time anyway—but if we cram every spare moment full of activities, we might not learn how to listen to our own voice and figure out who we are now and what we really want our lives to look like.
I know that if you are used to being partnered, the emptiness can be unbearable. Maybe the work days are fine, but after the kids go to bed and the night stretches out in front of you—or on a weekend, the time can seem huge and unmanageable—but learning how to enjoy one’s company and find pleasure in some of those expanses of time can be incredibly empowering and help us to develop parts of ourselves that may be underdeveloped.
I am not advising going into hibernation and isolating, but more of a balance. We need socialization and friends and we definitely need to get out in to the world and pursue interests and activities, but if we are cramming our life so full just so we won’t have to experience being and feeling alone—we are cutting ourselves off from the full opportunities of our single parent circumstance. It might be a great time to really get to know ourselves better!
Also: Self-Care Can Be in the Details