Despite the fact that I have a very cordial working relationship with my kids’ father—forged over years of co-parenting since our separation and divorce, I don’t always go willingly toward chats and negotiations. In reality, the longer I live an independent life, the harder it is for me to compromise when it comes to my children. My years as a single parent have made me competent and confident and I feel like I know my children really well. It’s not always easy to let someone else have influence and “say” when it comes to parenting them!
Compromise and letting go are things I do pretty well on in other areas of my life, but for some reason, when it comes to my kids I have to really breathe deeply and fight the urge to behave like a mama bear. After all, I am the mom (I tell myself) and who else is ever going to care for these kids like me?! Well, there are other people who care for my kids and, even if he doesn’t do things the way I would, or show his affection or care the way I would, their father is one of those people who has an invested interest in the lives of my kids—so compromise is occasionally the name of the game.
The plus side of learning how to compromise when it comes to your kids is that it makes you stronger and it keeps the best interests of your kids as paramount. And, by giving in when I can, I have a stronger case when I really dig in and REFUSE to compromise. If I always refused and insisted upon all parenting decisions going my way, I wouldn’t really have much credibility. By picking my battles, it makes me a stronger negotiator. I also think that my kids are learning a great deal by seeing their divorced parents able to communicate and negotiate when it comes to their best interest.
Also: Minding Your Own Business and Letting the Ex Mind His or Hers
Getting in the Right Frame of Mind for Negotiations