When it comes to being married, your spouse can really impact how you do your job as well as your success in your career. We don’t always think about the impact our spouses have on our working lives, but my husband and I are in constant communication throughout the day. But we’re also highly aware of the commitments the other one has to their job.
So when a spouse doesn’t acknowledge the importance of those commitments to a job or career, it can do more than just create conflict between the couple – it can cause problems with their work. The spouse that has to constantly leave work early because their spouse demands it of them can cost them in work productivity and promotion possibilities.
Other issues can erupt when your spouse is too much the life of the party at company events or when your co-workers begin to help you duck calls from them because you can’t get your work done. The flipside of that coin is the spouse who doesn’t support you when you are working on your Bachelor’s, Masters or other graduate degree. You can be furthering your education to promote a different career and find it hindered by a spouse’s lack of support.
Your Spouse is Important. Period.
We talk about supporting each other as though it is a given, but sometimes we need to be able to clarify to our spouses what we mean by supporting each other. For example, when my daughter was an infant, I was a stay at home mom and student. I wrote some freelance, but my primary responsibilities were tackling my classes (most of which I did over the Internet) and taking care of our home and midget.
I still needed study time and my husband was often working ten to twelve hour days. We sat down and discussed what we needed from each other. One way we handled things is that I took on the majority of the heavy-duty chores – that way in the evening when he came home, he would take over with the kiddo so I could study or do homework and he didn’t have to worry about doing a lot of cleaning.
That doesn’t mean he didn’t do household chores. The major chores we did on Saturdays (mowing the lawn, vacuuming and laundry) together and then usually treated ourselves to a lunch out together with the kiddo. It could be hard to balance at times, but this meant that I didn’t make light of the pressures and responsibilities of his job and he didn’t overlook my needs with school.
Making Their Needs, Your Needs
Working with your partner means supporting both of you and finding the middle ground that works for both of you. It means really listening and doing your best to not grade their needs or your needs as being more important without discussing it first.
It would be easy for the stay at home mom to say that her husband’s needs are obviously greater because he is bringing home the checks. It is easy for the husband to say his wife’s needs are greater, because she is home day in and day out taking care of their little one. It is easy for both to dismiss the other because they can’t possibly understand what they are going through.
The solution to this problem is to honestly address those issues between you. To make each other aware of what is happening. Do you have a huge exam coming up? Tell your spouse about it. Tell them what you need to make it happen. Do you have a big report that you have to deliver to the company vice-president? Does it mean extra hours? Tell your spouse about it and express to them what you need to make it happen.
It’s amazing what you can do with a little open communication and working it out together. On more than one occasion I was able to offer suggestions that helped balance out the workload between us so that both of our needs were accommodated and so was he.
Avoid assumptions, but cling to your respect and communication – these are the tools to help provide for your spouse, your career and your success. How do you and your spouse cope with differing needs for support?