Building a Marriage on Dependency and Independence

I was recently reading an article that stated the key to a happy marriage was living separate lives.  That this is how you feel validated as an individual.

What’s interesting about this is that in order to feel validated, you need to feel important and acknowledged.  That generally doesn’t come from within.  Sure, it should be a part of feeling validated as a person.  But since we are humans, we crave receiving this from others.

Isn’t that where a spouse comes in?

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying that you need to be so dependent on your mate that you don’t know how to be an individual.  But I believe there needs to be some balance with this.

A marriage is a partnership.  But unlike many who say it’s 50/50, I say it’s 100/100.  In other words, you give 100 percent of yourself to it.  When you do that in a healthy manner, you enjoy the benefits of dependency yet you are still able to be your own person.

The reality is that there are some areas in life where you are dependent on each other and others where you are independent.  Take children.  It is very difficult to function individually in raising them.  Attempts to do so are sure to cause a lot of tension and disagreements and confusion for the children.

Now consider your work life.  For most of us, this is a separate thing we do, so that is where we have the opportunity to be an individual.  I don’t call my husband up and ask him what I should do about a problem at work.  I address it with the appropriate parties and vice versa.

Think about friendships.  Some of these friendships cause us to be dependent on each other, such as the couples that we spend time with.  But then we have our own friends in which we can be an individual.

As with everything in life, it comes down to balance.  Marriages can be built on both dependency and independence.


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About Stephanie Romero

Stephanie Romero is a professional blogger for Families and full-time web content writer. She is the author and instructor of an online course, "Recovery from Abuse," which is currently being used in a prison as part of a character-based program. She has been married to her husband Dan for 21 years and is the mother of two teenage children who live at home and one who is serving in the Air Force.