Many of us come from families of origin where our relationships were less than stellar. In fact, this can be a motivating factor for some of us to try to build our own families where the communication is better; the relationships are stronger and more pleasant, and where our children love and get along with each other. If you come from a family where you do not get along with your siblings, you might be wondering how you can do something different with your own children. Will your sibling relations influence the way your own children interact with each other?
There is no doubt that modeling is an incredibly strong factor in raising our children. They see how we talk, act, work, and what we value and they tend to absorb and emulate that. Of course, we think this is great when the take on things we want them to but not nearly so great when we see our own flaws shining back at us in the behaviors of our children. Many of us worry that we are perpetuating bad habits, behaviors and family patterns and work hard to combat this.
Even if our sibling relations are strained, we can model other expectations for our children. We can try to mend them and we can watch how we talk about that Aunt or Uncle in front of our children. Saying something like: “Aunt Mary and I used to argue a lot as children and even though I love her very much, I am working on making us better friends now” can be very powerful. We can let our children know that we value good sibling connection, even if our own are a bit lacking. We can also use our personal experiences with our siblings to guide us in how we parent our own children. Chances are you have learned a great deal about how to make sure siblings do NOT get along and you can modify your expectations and lessons for your own children.