The difference between knowing and really knowing, or feeling, something is amazing. I’m the first person to tell others that a key to any relationship, but especially a marriage, is trying to think from the other person’s point of view. It’s absolutely essential in a marriage, because we are spending the rest of our lives living with this person. The more we try to understand how our spouse thinks, the better off we’ll be. I know this, and yet it’s so hard for me to act on it. For example: once in a while my husband has to work the … Continue reading →

When the pressure is on, the tension in a marriage can really mount. While it isn’t the most pleasant feeling, sometimes you just have to go with it. You have to allow for those ugly moments and know that you will make it through. That is exactly where my marriage has been at for over a week now. We have been experiencing a lot of uncertainty about when our 18-year-old son is leaving for basic training. We are told one thing one day and something else another day. It is frustrating because we are trying to emotionally prepare ourselves for … Continue reading →

It’s a frequent miscommunication, one written about many times: one spouse just wants to vent their frustrations, and the other hears it as “please fix my problem.” It’s most common that the women are former and the men latter, but I’ve heard of the situation reversed; it all depends on personality. Jon and I can sometimes fall into this trap as well. It starts off very sweet: Jon would like to be able to solve my problems for me. That’s something we’d all like to do for the people that we love. But because that’s impossible, it’s important that we … Continue reading →

Did you know that one of the top reasons for divorce is because of financial stress? It’s crazy that money can drive marriage to disaster. Is It the Money or the Coping? What is it really that makes couples end their relationship though? Is it the money or is something else? I am going to put my money on something else. Couples who are in a financially strained situation are under an extraordinary amount of stress. Not only are they unable to pay bills, but they may have to work longer hours to make ends meet. What happens is that … Continue reading →

It’s been an interesting week in our home. There are points in time that everything is going along fairly smoothly. There may be a bump or two in the road, but nothing major. Then suddenly you have a week where all three of your preteen and teen children decide to test the waters or stretch your patience or whatever it may be. Suddenly your marriage finds itself being tested as well. Navigating through the relationship of a husband and wife is challenging enough without throwing into the mix some children. Now you have additional relationships to work through. Then there … Continue reading →

You know the signs—he’s staring at the computer screen, shooting little aliens or fighting off the zombies that are attacking his virtual front yard. You’ve been trying to talk to him, but you’re getting one-syllable answers. Or she’s immersed in a romance novel and won’t come up for air, or maybe she’s raiding the refrigerator. Whatever his or her coping mechanism might be, you recognize it because you’ve been there before. You know your spouse retreats into that behavior when life is pressing on them too hard. You want to help, but you can’t wave a magic wand and take … Continue reading →

We all experience grief at some point in our lives—it’s part of being alive and human, having emotions, and loving. At times, the husband and wife will both go through the same grief—losing a child or the lesser pain of losing a badly needed job or a loved home. Other times, one spouse will go through a personal grief not quite as deeply felt by the other. In both circumstances, they need each other. If you are the spouse who is grieving, share what you need with your partner. Don’t expect him to just know what you’re going through. He … Continue reading →

When you’ve been used to sleeping on your own, sleeping with another person can be an interesting experience. It can at times be frustrating, it can be comforting or it can be a lot of fun. I suspect Mick hasn’t found it too much fun sharing a bed with me the last few weeks. Because of the pain in my back I have been very restless. Turning over in bed, turns into a major exercise. Of course we could choose to have separate beds. We do have another double bed in the house but he’d rather put up with the … Continue reading →

The last couple of weeks have been enough to show me exactly what I can’t do when I am sick or injured as I have been. The tasks I would normally do have fallen to Mick and let me say he has done a great job. However facts to be taken into consideration are, there are only two of us in the house and he is retired, so he has more time and is more able to do these things. It would be different if we had a young family and he was working. With this situation in mind an … Continue reading →

Some people are by nature risk takers and that is not always easy for those who love them. It’s made even more difficult if you are not adventurous. Let me say at this point I do not have an adventurous bone in my body, unless you count writing a novel as adventurous. For me even getting on a plane to fly cross the other side of the world when I had a fear of flying was an adventure. I would struggle if married to an adventurous spirit. Fortunately Mick and I are very similar in our outlook. But suppose the … Continue reading →