Is There Such a Thing as Too Nice?

Is there such a thing as being too nice? When we’re in a relationship with someone, particularly when we’re married, we learn the answer to that question: yes. It’s not necessarily that too much niceness is bad, but that what one person might interpret as nice isn’t so great for the other. A friend and I were talking about that today in relation to our husbands. She shared that one time, her husband managed to bring home a big chocolate cake on the first day she was starting a new diet, something he knew about. Another time he kept filling … Continue reading

Blundering into Fights — And Getting Back Out

Do you ever sometimes feel like you’ve somehow stumbled into a fight and are not sure how it happened? When we go looking to pick fights we know what we’re up to, but sometimes it seems like all of a sudden we’re fighting with someone and we’re not exactly sure how it happened. This can happen between any two people but it’s certainly common in a marriage, just given that married couples are two people who spend so much time together. The silver lining of picked fights is that, although when we go looking to start one we’re not exactly … Continue reading

How Premarital Counseling Might Help Marriages

What comes next? The other week one of the local radio station’s morning talk program held a discussion on marriage. A young engaged woman called in. She said that she signed herself and her fiance up for premarital counseling. She did so, she claimed, because her husband-to-be doesn’t know anything about what a modern marriage ought to be like. Her beloved was raised by his socially conservative grandmother. Now that they’re approaching their married life it came out that he believes she will do all of the work around the house and take care of the kids. We’ve looked at … Continue reading

Worrying Too Much

I know I’m constantly railing against letting the often-inaccurate media have too much influence over our marriages and our approaches to romance. One of the reasons why I harp on about it so much is because I’m talking to myself as much, if not more, than I am to others. I’m a worrywart; it’s one of my least favorite facets of my personality but one I know I have to acknowledge and for which I have to watch out. There’s little that I can’t manage to fret over, and whether or not I’m going about my relationship with my husband … Continue reading

The Children Discussion

Last week I posted my recent rumination on whether or not I’m ready to have kids. Looking back, I realized that based on the tenor of my article it really belonged more in the parenting or pregnancy blogs. Why? Because it focused on me and my marriage is made up of two people. Today I’ll rectify that by going over what the discussions on the topic have been like for my husband and me. Jon and I didn’t talk about whether or not we wanted kids until we were engaged. Perhaps we should have done so sooner; what if we’d … Continue reading

Saving a Marriage

It seems like everywhere I turn lately, there are marriage problems…serious ones. Couples that you would never imagine considering divorce seem to be on that path. I recently met with a woman who had filed for divorce but then stopped it. She is willing, although very reluctantly, to give her husband a chance to work on his issues. They are serious, difficult issues. My heart feels for her. It is painful to see her pain. It would be easy for me to say, “Get out while you can.” But I tend to be of the mindset that you should first … Continue reading

Do You and Your Spouse Compete?

We’re human, so it’s only natural that we have a little bit of a competitive streak in us, right? I have to admit, I do enjoy beating Matt at a game of Words with Friends or Phase 10. He would definitely beat me in any kind of physical race or competition, so it’s only fair that I hold my own with board games, right? See, I knew you’d understand. But what about the need some husbands and wives have to constantly one-up each other? I’ve seen this happen, and it’s not pretty. Husband: I have a headache. Wife: Me too! … Continue reading

Mediation While Married

Here’s an interesting concept….a divorce hotel. Apparently this is a venture created by a Dutch entrepreneur, where couples can stay in a luxury hotel and in just three days end their marriage without a lawyer. They come to terms through mediation. There is an interesting thing about mediation when you are divorcing. I can’t help but think if any couple is able to successfully pull this off, why can’t they do the same while married and then stay married? I can never understand those stories where couples get along great after they have split up. Or sometimes you even hear … Continue reading

Disagreements in Parenting

One area that is well-known to be a source of contention for many married couples is the raising of the children. Oftentimes couples come from different types of homes and take from that into their own parenting. If the couple has a completely different idea on how to raise the children, this can cause strife that lasts for years. It can also become part of the reason that a marriage falls apart. Surprisingly, this has not been a huge issue for my husband and me. Despite our vastly different upbringing, we have gone into our parenting with the same mindset. … Continue reading

Relationship Hero

How do you resolve conflicts with your in-laws? We have tried many different techniques to solve the relationship problems with my in-laws. The problems are not only with the mother in law or father in law but also with my husband’s siblings. The general consensus is that I am the whole problem, that his family has never done anything wrong. They say I am too sensitive and basically have mind control over my husband making him think and feel the way he does. It is both insulting and flattering that they think I am that powerful. I feel bad for … Continue reading