Is There Such a Thing as Too Nice?

Is there such a thing as being too nice? When we’re in a relationship with someone, particularly when we’re married, we learn the answer to that question: yes. It’s not necessarily that too much niceness is bad, but that what one person might interpret as nice isn’t so great for the other. A friend and I were talking about that today in relation to our husbands. She shared that one time, her husband managed to bring home a big chocolate cake on the first day she was starting a new diet, something he knew about. Another time he kept filling … Continue reading →

Blundering into Fights — And Getting Back Out

Do you ever sometimes feel like you’ve somehow stumbled into a fight and are not sure how it happened? When we go looking to pick fights we know what we’re up to, but sometimes it seems like all of a sudden we’re fighting with someone and we’re not exactly sure how it happened. This can happen between any two people but it’s certainly common in a marriage, just given that married couples are two people who spend so much time together. The silver lining of picked fights is that, although when we go looking to start one we’re not exactly … Continue reading →

Saving a Marriage

It seems like everywhere I turn lately, there are marriage problems…serious ones. Couples that you would never imagine considering divorce seem to be on that path. I recently met with a woman who had filed for divorce but then stopped it. She is willing, although very reluctantly, to give her husband a chance to work on his issues. They are serious, difficult issues. My heart feels for her. It is painful to see her pain. It would be easy for me to say, “Get out while you can.” But I tend to be of the mindset that you should first … Continue reading →

Mediation While Married

Here’s an interesting concept….a divorce hotel. Apparently this is a venture created by a Dutch entrepreneur, where couples can stay in a luxury hotel and in just three days end their marriage without a lawyer. They come to terms through mediation. There is an interesting thing about mediation when you are divorcing. I can’t help but think if any couple is able to successfully pull this off, why can’t they do the same while married and then stay married? I can never understand those stories where couples get along great after they have split up. Or sometimes you even hear … Continue reading →

Disagreements in Parenting

One area that is well-known to be a source of contention for many married couples is the raising of the children. Oftentimes couples come from different types of homes and take from that into their own parenting. If the couple has a completely different idea on how to raise the children, this can cause strife that lasts for years. It can also become part of the reason that a marriage falls apart. Surprisingly, this has not been a huge issue for my husband and me. Despite our vastly different upbringing, we have gone into our parenting with the same mindset. … Continue reading →

Relationship Hero

How do you resolve conflicts with your in-laws? We have tried many different techniques to solve the relationship problems with my in-laws. The problems are not only with the mother in law or father in law but also with my husband’s siblings. The general consensus is that I am the whole problem, that his family has never done anything wrong. They say I am too sensitive and basically have mind control over my husband making him think and feel the way he does. It is both insulting and flattering that they think I am that powerful. I feel bad for … Continue reading →

What Do You Bicker About?

Is there a difference between fighting and bickering? I really think there is. I equate fighting to be dealing with “big” issues. You know, things like raising the children, how money is spent and so forth. But I equate bickering with the “little” stuff, such as leaving the cap off the toothpaste or who gets to drive. Fighting means you have some serious issues to deal with. This requires a lot more work, perhaps even some counseling to get through it. These are issues that took time to build up and will take time to solve. However with bickering, you … Continue reading →

Tips for Conflict Resolution

My father passed away recently, and last night, I spent some time reading his life history. He stated that even though twenty years had passed since my parents’ divorce, he still didn’t know why my mother had filed. She, on the other hand, always said that she tried over and over again to resolve the issues in their marriage, and he never listened. Hearing it from her side, and then reading it from his, I began to realize that conflict resolution is a two-way street. Both parties have to be invested, but first, both parties have to know there’s a … Continue reading →

Book Review: Gifted by Karey White

Brett and Susan are unable to have children of their own. Having waited what seems like forever, they are elated when they get a call—a birth family has chosen them to care for an infant they cannot raise themselves. When Brett and Susan meet the baby they will name Anna, they are immediately overwhelmed with her sweetness, and they believe no baby could be as wonder as she is. Of course, they know all new parents feel that way, but somehow, the world just seems better now that they have Anna. As she grows, Brett and Susan begin to realize … Continue reading →

How to Argue with Integrity

Whenever I hear couples brag that they never argue I’m actually not impressed. First of all, I find it hard to believe but even if it is true, I actually don’t think that is healthy. We all have to eventually address difficult issues in our lives. Now of course I’m not saying that you should be having some good knock-down, drag-it-out fights. However I do believe you can argue with integrity. Think about what the word integrity means. According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary it means a “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.” I really like the … Continue reading →